mouth full of poison

When life keeps biteing your heels and nippin ya in the butt, it gets fucking annoying. But ever so often for not reason at all, the calm will come over you. Tranquillity is best achieved in the middle of madness.

In the words of Lightening McQueen

"I provoke feelings in others they themselves don't even understand..."

Forgive the egotistical sence of this statement... But I still got it...

2007 You’ve Been a Real Bitch

So lets recap...

This year I...

Cancelled the wedding of my dreams and got re-engaged over this Christmas...

Rondevoud with Tim and Cammy at the desert, my friends till the end...

Quit fast food and am now working as a desk manager at a hotel...

Learned that change can be the greatest oportunity for personal growth to rear it's little head...

Learned that undoubetly, one must love and trust theirself before anything or anyone else...

Got my own apartment with my fiance and I must say, having a place of your OWN with the one you love is totally awesome and very fulfilling...

Sold out and grew up...

Quit my drug and alcohol use and I must say, it's been a life changing and life saving experience...

Learned that the words "I'm sorry" get tossed around way too much and all that forgiveness, can age a woman terribly...

But mostly I think, I learned not to take for granted the time you have with those you love, I can't tell you how much I miss my friends and family back home and I wish so much that I could be with them this new years, but fate had a better idea... I hope they all have the greatest upcomming year that they all deserve.

Love you all...

Happy freakin new years!

the holiday season just does something to a person. i bought an ornament that says "julie and jareds frist christmas 2007" got it at hallmark. and bought a freakin awesome velvet cardinal with bells to put on muh tree too. forgive the sentimental mush.

i always said id never eat no chicken unless it was from kfc. i ate a bucket from churches chicken. and it was. well, good. but i felt as though i was betraying the colonel. sorry sir sanders...

happy holidays!

turkey day was good. I had an aunt and uncle move out here and I must say it's wonderful having some family around. Me and Jared bought our Christmas tree and it was so much fun putting it up and decorating it. Our first Christmas together in our home. How exciting :D My whole house is done in snowmen as well. Frosty is muh hero.

Met an irish man from Dubland and he was like a movie. He was all "Tis grand my girl!" and I was all "can I take you home?"

Love you guys <3

wedding...

June 28th...

Lets keep them fingers crossed...

In other news... Ah who am I kidding, I have no new news...

had a dream that we were being invaded by russia. fuckin scary shit. and they had these hoses full of toxins that would litrally burn the flesh right off your body. what the fuck lol. im going to see "ring of fire" tonight at the civic center, a cheaper version of broadway. a musical play. i hope they dont butcher it. i hear its quite rad though. johnny cash not much new in the life of TigOlBitties. lol, gettin ready to go eat lunch with my girls (bosses) life is good.

happiness doesnt even begin to describe this new found atonement for life i have aquired. i cant wait to go to work in the mornings. i cant wait to fix dinner for my fiance. i cant wait to clean the house, or do laundry. i day dream about children of my own all day and all night. my heart is overflowing with joy for my new found future, im so proud of myself. i wish i could give everyone i know hugs. lol <3 my life hasnt felt so full in many moons. its wonderful. im the luckiest girl in the world.

one love...

Cammy and Tim will be ariving on thrusday. And I am STOKED I say... MOTHER FUCKIN STOKED! Life is good at the moment...

Muh love and I were succombed to deliciosity and were told by inner forces to eat at Boons Tai Food Resturaunt. And I am not over reacting when I say,

MmMmMmMmMmMmMmMMmMmMM

Tai food is simply marvelous.

Work is good, love is good, friends are good.

Life... is good...

I feel I should better describe the situation between Jared and I. I love him unconditionally, and I believe strongly in 2nd chances. As most of you know, he is in fact a recovering alcoholic. He is struggling immensly with this aspect of his character. He is doing a great job at the moment and I pray he will continue down his road of sobriety. I also feel that I was pressured into the wedding. Neither him or I are ready for the commitment of marriage at the moment. He needs counseling, an so do I, we need counseling. Couples counceling. We need help in controlling finances, and communicating. That is a major issue with us. We don't communicate well. I still love him and hope that one day I can put his ring back on my finger and say "I Do" but for now, we are mending the relationship and attemtping to set our priorities in the correct order. I would like to ask everyone to please pray for us and our journey. I love you all and thank you for your support.

just so everyone knows, the wedding is postponed...

So I met pauly shore, he's kind of a prick.

Who wouldve thought, the weasel. a prick... hmph..

With our hard earned tax return money we bought a theater dvd system complete with surround sound and what have you,

A PS2 so that my nerd ass may endulge in the new guitar hero and other pointless games that make me happy...

I got a badass betty boop purse with matching wallet,

Jared bought himself a dash cover for his taho.

I feel spoiled.

Things are good I suppose. No reason for complaining, the wedding is still moving along nicely. Less than two months now. eek lol

advice of the day

if you enjoy a good science fiction tear jerking fantasy mind bender take it upon yourself to watch "The Fountain" Twas awesome...

I just met Pauly Shore...

Well I'm a black rainbow
And I'm an ape of God

I wanna thank you mom
I wanna thank you dad
For bringing this fucking world,
To a bitter end...

Marilyn Manson is a sheer genuis. His book makes it obvious. Sheer genius...

just got to work. not many check outs. ill prolly sit and read -good omen- an 80's book about angels and demons going wit against wit. it's quite amusing actually, very comedic. what is there to say. the wedding is still on and time is passing quickly. too quickly. i find me and jared at each others throats lately. he's driving me insane. but what women isnt driven insane by a man who does absolutely nothing to help clean around the house eh? oh wait... that's about 90% of the population with penises. ladies we got dealt a shitty hand i think at times. jared wouldnt share his game cube with me last night. what a baby. sometimes i think god gave adam eve, just so he would have someone to keep things from. -sigh-its a never ending battle with me and him. we got two new kittens. one is calico with black eyes, her name is java-bean, and then there is the blue eyed half persian half himalayan kitten we call sigh. they are destroying my house *_* in any case, i chatted with a few old good friends. some from college, some from home, some from the family. it was nice. kentucky stil calls out to me at night. telling me come home and ride its mountains on a 4-wheeler and the rivers yell at me saying "come swim in the goodness of home julie!" i wish i could... i wish i could...

I saw that my friend Cammy did this and I thought, this is just what I need. A proper way to vent and say what I want but cant to so many pple...

My 9


1) List things that you want to say to 9 different people, but never can or never will.
2) Don't say who they are.
3) Never discuss it again.
4) No order. Just random.


1) I believe very deeply, well, I know that you were/are my soulmate. The one that God put here specifically for me... There is not a day goes by that I don't think about you or what could have been. It's so tragic to have found love so early in life. At 14. As I grew up I slowly realized that I will never find love as deep as what I had with you, and at 19 I remember the exact moment when I realized that having found such perfect love, and losing it, now all I will have is medeocre. I knew I would have to settle for something less. I don't get the excitement of growing up and finding love, b/c I had already found it and lost it. I miss you...

2) I'm sorry I havnt been the daughter you expected me to be. Im sorry I tore the family apart the way I did. I'm sorry I was/am different. I remember when you told me that regardless no matter what you would never forsake me or turn your back on me that you would always endlessly love me. Thank you for keeping up your end of the bargain and giving me a reason to make you proud. I think God handed you a shitty deal in life when I reflect on my childhood and how we had to watch my mother deterierate into a suicidal vegetable. You didnt deserve that. I often wonder where is all this grace and blessings that God is supposed to shower upon his followers. You who never forsakes his name, has never questioned his plan or reasoning for it. I admire and love you so very much...

3) I pity your existance and your soul that is so troubled. But you are a plague on this earth and I assure you I would not shed one tear if you were torn apart by sharks...

4) Words cannot express my sorrow for what I have done to our relationship. In a way I think it was good for you. You certainly did decide to take one step forward in your growing up process. lol. you are so adorable and precious in every way. I will forever be grateful that we have shared what we did and experienced what we have. I love you as I have never loved another soul on this planet. I appriciated and adored your individuality, and how you made me feel so special for just letting you be yourself in my presence. I love you so... Thank you for your forgiveness

5) God saw fit to take you from us so early that no one expected it. I still remember getting the call. It was my second night at college and my first big party. It was so surreal. I didn't cry at first for unbeliefe. and then the tears came like a never ending river. You were such a blessing to everyone in your life. In mine. you were a break from the norm. my first boyfriend. Still to this day my longest relationship. two and a half years and we never did anything more than kiss in that time. it was a perfect time. middle school was so easy and fun for me. the last two years of it anyway. there was an innocents to you Ive never seen in anyone else to this day. I miss you terribly. And loved you none the less

6) we will be married in less than 3 months and I am so anxious and nervous and excited and scared shitless... lol quite a feeling. Upon meeting you I had no idea you were going to impact my life the way you have and will. It was over the phone that we fell in love while you were away and needed something to hang on to. I even remember the letter saying you knew you were going to marry me. we had gone on 1 date. I thought you were a basket case. Then four months later on Christmas you pop a ring out your ass and said "so yea, lets do it" lol I love you and I can't wait for us to become home owners and have babies. I cant thank you enough for giving me the reason to stop using and drinking. Sobriety was hard to get to but now that Im here. and with you its wonderful. I love u so much...

7) You are an amazing woman and I cant wait till I can see your radiant face again when I get the chance to come home. You were my mother when I didnt have one and you have shaped me into who I am today, Even when you knew of all the horrible things I did you still call me as "my blonde headed blue eyed angel" you have always believed in me and only saw the good in my heart even when it was almost impossible to see. It's people like you grandma, that put my faith back in the human race..

8) I never had siblings but you are to me. The sister whom I am telekenetic with. lol, you lay heavy on my heart when you are sad or in trouble and I can feel you with me. It pisses me off something fierce when people treat you unfairly and to me seem to take advantage of your soft heart. I would take a bullet for you sis. Can't wait to give you that big ole hug.

9) God, you confuse and worry me at times but in the end you always are there shining down screaming at me that you love me when I forget at times. I belive a seriouse thank you is owed to my creator. So, thank you God, for your faithfulness and wonderment that make this life worth living...

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

that whole left side of the hemisphere kinda freaks me out, when I looked at the map I looked to Ky for home...

These past few days have been a wreck. So busy. Tomorrow is the first of May, only 3 months to the T till I'm Mrs. Juie Merryman. Sheesh. I'm gettin married. I'm so excited. But there's still so much that has to be done, I need to send out the invites, that will be a big job. And send out invites for Jareds fam, gawd. Me and Jared are thinking that for the honeymoon, we will be going to Denver Colorado, and go the Elitch Gardens, the 6 Flags out here. They have one of those new cutting edge coasters, where u lay flat down face first, it looks rad. I'm way stoked. We also plan on going to the Aquarium and the museum, and an 80 acre water park. I don't want to do that much honestly, we will be so exhausted when we get back and then it's off to work. Blah. But he's all "I let u plan the whole wedding only b/c you said I get to plan the honeymoon, the honeymoon is mine." So I'm afraid he's right. -sigh- but whatever I suppose. I'm in the process of finally getting my New Mexico drivers liscence. I had to send of a 20 mailing order with my information so I get the DUI drivers test back, then I fill it out send it back, if I pass, then I can get my liscence. Since Farmington New Mexico is the biggest problem county with drunk driving, if you are not from the state, you have to take a massive test on drunk driving and shit. It sux. But oh well I suppose. I still miss u guys like mad <3 nothing but love

HEY CAMMY! CAN U FIND ME THE ADDY AND PHONE # TO THE NEWSPAPER IN MIDDLESBORO SO I CAN SEND THEM AN ENGAGEMENT ANNOUNCEMENT FOR BACK HOME :D THANKS A BUNCH!

in other news, i got my flutes (wine glasses) for the toast at the reception, a few more invitations coz god knows i need em, finalized all the plans with my florist and got the decor for the church. I'm so freakin excited!

Also, we finalized the dinner meal for the reception.

We will be serving roast beef, rice, marinated chicken, salad, and fruit, and of coarse, the wedding cake :D

We also put the downpayment on our wedding bands. Mine is what u call a puzzle peice, my engagemnt ring fits inside the band that will put two triangular diamonds on either side of the engagement diamond. Its quite purdy. And the ring I'm getting for Jared, is pretty snazzy. It's white gold with 3 diamonds on the front horizontally going across. We got a free cake cutter from Alexanders the jewelry shop we are getting our rings from b/c we are such good customers.

Hurray for getting married <3